The world has changed. Five Hundred years have come and gone and the battles of old have fallen into myth and legend. Now something is stirring beyond the veil, something that has not awoken in a millennia past. The world has changed.....


    Ringan's rank up thread

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    Ringan Tokeshi

    Posts : 39
    Join date : 2012-02-13
    Age : 21
    Location : The coldest most ghetto place in the world. (Detroit?)

    Ringan's rank up thread

    Post by Ringan Tokeshi on Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:01 pm

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    Sal Norongachi

    Posts : 101
    Join date : 2012-02-06
    Age : 30
    Location : Glasgow

    Re: Ringan's rank up thread

    Post by Sal Norongachi on Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:38 pm

    Okay dude. First Eval ever on Btd! Congrats!

    3/10 exp gained!

    It was very short also you have this habit of describing the same action repeatedly for example: He suited up as he pulled his suit from the ground puting it on as he stripped naked and slid it over his skin.

    You have basically said that he put on his clothes three times in that sentence. There is no need and also 'suited up' shouldn't really be used to describe such actions nor the word 'noobies'. Remember that just because you know what that means doesn't mean the reader does. So keep that in mind in future.

    Also a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. I would have liked to see more of the facility and the training you Agents had to go through but that'll be covered later no doubt.


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    Ringan Tokeshi

    Posts : 39
    Join date : 2012-02-13
    Age : 21
    Location : The coldest most ghetto place in the world. (Detroit?)

    Re: Ringan's rank up thread

    Post by Ringan Tokeshi on Mon Feb 27, 2012 10:55 am

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    Apollo

    Posts : 17
    Join date : 2012-02-12

    Re: Ringan's rank up thread

    Post by Apollo on Tue Feb 28, 2012 2:01 pm

    I am going to give you a 6/10 this thread was of decent length but you still have some growing as a writer. It is amazing how far you've come since you first started RPing with Sal and I, however you have gaps in your writing when it comes to changing the scene for example your last post you end up in bed when you were falling...unless it was a dream you need to explain how you got there.

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    Re: Ringan's rank up thread

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